Received this forward on WhatsApp today. Made me laugh so sharing it here.

Your Pun…ishment

  1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
  2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  3. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
  4. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
  5. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
  6. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ’Keep off the Grass”.
  7. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
  9. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  10. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
  11. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
  12. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be In Seine.
  13. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says ’Dam!’
  14. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
  15. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
  16. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
  17. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
  18. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
  19. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  20. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”
  21. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
  22. A backward poet writes inverse.
  23. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
  24. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
  25. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
  26. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
  27. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
  28. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did…

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